Sunday, 30 December 2012

ABE: BIG TALK, ANGRY BIRDS AND THE HORSE'S MOUTH

Edited highlights from an interview between Toshio Motoya, Hakubun Shimomura and Ourmani Nabiko. Full, original interview here.

Motoya: Thank you for joining me on Big Talk today. Shinzo Abe, who you supported, was successfully elected in the Liberal Democratic Party (LDP) presidential election; it’s his second time serving as president. Congratulations.

Ourmani: I had no part in that, really I didn't.

Shimomura: Thank you very much.

Motoya: I am also very happy, because I felt that Japan would not change if Abe did not become president. I immediately sent a congratulatory message after the election. Directly before Abe became prime minister six years ago, I was the vice chairman of the Society for Shinzo Abe as President. He attended a meeting at my home, and we became quite close.

Ourmani: How close? Is this code for, you know, a love that cannot speak its name? A love that is now permissible in more US states than ever before? I realise you can't admit to being gay lovers, but if that's what you are implying, squeeze my hand under the desk and whisper "yes, I know." I won't think anything less of you, promise.

Shimomura: Yes, I know.

Motoya: Abe and Nobutaka Machimura were candidates in the recent LDP presidential election, and the Machimura faction was split in two. Many people, centered on former Prime Minister Yoshiro Mori, the original leader of the faction, were telling Abe to hold off. You achieved a great deal by encouraging Abe to make this decision, and helping him be successfully re-elected even amidst these unfavorable conditions.

Ourmani: Boooooring. What's the most ridiculous thing you have ever said?

Shimomura: It was a miracle that he was re-elected.

Motoya: I’ve heard you have many connections with Abe.

Ourmani: We've covered that (winks). Move on.

Motoya: You have many things in common with Abe’s ways of thinking; you are the vice chairman of Creating Japan, the Diet members’ caucus for which Abe serves as chairman. I also view you as a kindred soul. I have spent 21 years conveying my idea of genuine conservatism via my published books and Apple Town, this magazine. I also run the “True Interpretations of Modern History” essay contest, in which Toshio Tamogami won the Grand Prize, and have opened a private school called the Shoheijuku. Currently, a total of 23 National Diet members, as well as ambassadors to Japan from 26 countries, are participating in the Shoheijuku.

Ourmani: Awesome. I've written a few books too. Have you read Reconstructing 3/11 about how the politicians of Japan deserted the people when they were most needed? Or Guts Pose: Diary of a Japanese election gone bad, that's all about how Abe won a landslide despite being universally detested as a lilly-livered, silver-spooned nonentity?

Motoya: For these and other reasons, I welcome the appearance of President Abe.

Ourmani: Oooh, hark at you.

Shimomura: I supported Abe in the recent presidential election because I felt a strong sense of crisis regarding the state of Japan today something I suspect motivates you as well.

Ourmani: Well, I have been buying a lot of dollars recently, getting out of yen since Abe took over, you know?

Motoya: Yes, I feel the same way.

Shimomura: When Abe became prime minister six years ago, I was appointed as Deputy Chief Cabinet Secretary. Five years ago, Abe abandoned his administration, saying that his health was poor. Now, I have been taking action since the end of last year while insisting that Abe should run in this election. Former Prime Minister Mori said this was premature; he thought the LDP should recapture political power, and then Abe should return to the position of prime minister after serving in a series of important cabinet minister positions. However, I felt that the era would not wait that long.

Motoya: Now is certainly not the time for taking leisurely actions.

Ourmani: Sorry, what did you say? I just got a high score on Angry Birds. Awesome.

Shimomura: Right now, Japan is not functioning as a nation. Last year’s Great East Japan Earthquake was a divine revelation, showing that Japan will be crushed if things don’t change. The members of the National Diet need to be woken up; we need to react to this great disaster in a direct way, and to change this crisis into an opportunity. If not, why is the point of serving in the National Diet?

Ourmani: Well, you have to get the trajectory right. If you don't the birds miss their target and you are in danger of failing to clear the level.  

Motoya: I feel the same sense of danger. Recently, China and Korea are displaying unpardonable attitudes.

Ourmani: Gangnam Style! Absolutely.

Shimomura: I agree. Due to the current Democratic Party of Japan (DPJ) government’s defense policy, the Senkaku Islands and Takeshima have been stolen away. It’s only natural that the National Diet members who are watching wistfully without taking action are criticized and asked why they are serving in these positions. It’s at times like this that the National Diet members must stand up. I believed that Abe, who has firm views on the nation, history, and the world, should serve as a leader. He’s probably the only politician with the ability to make over this country.

Ourmani: He's the only Japanese premier that can do the horsey dance without even trying.

Motoya: I think so too. However, he abruptly resigned from his previous post…

Ourmani: Because he's a wuss. C'mon, you know it's true. You've been hanging out in think tanks too long. You should get out more, you know, read a book or watch a movie.

Motoya: When Japan was occupied, the US appointed intellectuals with socialist views to the position of media censors. That is the fundamental reason for the bias of the Japanese media.

Ourmani: Do you have a cloth? When you said that, I just spat my drink all over Shimomura-san, though I don't think anyone would notice with that tie. Does his mother still dress him, or is it his lucky tie from 1974?

Shimomura: That may be true. We must reflect on this, and utilize our reflections in the future.

Motoya: Another thing that has changed since Abe’s previous term as prime minister is the promulgation of information technologies (IT). The number of people who read newspapers is decreasing, while the number of people read news and share their views online is growing. The online public opinion has great power.

Ourmani: It's all about the hits, baby. Abe should do a nude calendar for charity, that would get some hits, maybe coverage in Gawker or HuffPo at least. 

Shimomura: I agree. We must think in a multi-faceted way. We need to construct a good relationship with the US, but we must also strengthen our relationships with China and other Asian countries.

Ourmani: Hmmm. Hold on fellas, I've got an idea. I'm thinking Jackie Chan, Shinzo Abe, Psy, the girls from Kara, Taylor Swift? ABE48?

Motoya: This will be extremely difficult underneath the current constitution.

Ourmani: What? Abe's constitution? Yeah, He probably doesn't have the stomach for it. Stomach? Geddittt?

Shimomura: I don’t think that’s very realistic.

Ourmani: Sorry, just brainstorming. Sheesh. Thought you folks in think tanks were all about thinking outside the box and all?

Motoya: I agree entirely. Ridding Japan of the postwar regime should involve breaking free from brainwashing. At the end of the interview, I always ask for a “word for the youth.”

Ourmani: Gangnam Style, c'mon, gotta be, right?

Shimomura: I believe Japan possesses the potential to be revived in the future. Both you and I have made our way without depending on anybody else. There are many opportunities for everybody; Japan is a country in which endless possibilities are opened for people who work hard. I will do my best in order to protect this.

Ourmani: That's OK and all, but not very catchy as a "word for the youth."

Motoya: I hope that young people will pursue large dreams. In my graduation essay from elementary school, I said that I wanted to become “president of the world” when I grew up (laughs). I don’t think that dream will be realized.

Ourmani: No, I think not. Have you had your nap Motoya-san? Why don't you dream those happy thoughts after lunch, yeah? Have a large lunch and a little dreamy-poos later, yeah?

Shimomura: That’s a large dream! (Laughs) Maybe you haven’t achieved it, but I think many of your other dreams have come true.

Ourmani: Yeah, like being here today. A dream come true. Totally awesome. 

Motoya: Thank you very much for joining me today.

Ourmani: (blows kiss)

3 comments:

Armchair Asia said...

I can't make a good judgement of all this unless I see a picture of the tie.

D said...

Sorry, Could you repeat that story? I couldn't hear, for I was just deafened down at Shibuya station listening to AbeClones scream through loud speakers about the anti-Japanese NHK.

I'd thought they'd be happy now that Shitzo is back in power and can "consult" with NHK in secret about any programs he and his find disagreeable.

And please, no more jokes about Abe's bowel troubles. It is in the past and unfairly belittles the Great Man. Remember: When the going gets tough, the tough gotta go.

Our Man in Abiko said...

I'm currently watching on TV a male celeb in drag buying women's underwear in Shubuya. Is this more to Abe-san's liking I wonder? Would he have the guts to do that?