Monday, 17 September 2012


The girls in the typing pool are all a flutter over some new movie that has been doing the rounds. Apparently it features Tokyo Governor Nantoka Ishihara dressed as Mao Tse Dong committing diplomatic relations on a panda on the disputed Senkaku islands' famed topless beach. The panda is believed to be Chinese, sources close to the panda speaking on condition of anonymity said. Our Man urges all right-minded citizens to look the other way. It is entirely possible the panda is a goat. It could in fact be a Korean goat in a panda suit, a so-called Comfort Goat, although Osaka Governor Hashimoto said there is no evidence to prove the existence of panda-suited goats (that's quite enough of that. Got anything serious to say? - ed)

OK, the solution to the Senkakus in three words...

Move Ishihara there.

If the Tokyo governor loves the bloody place so much, he can bloody well live there, killing several flightless seabirds with one stone. The islands would be populated, Tokyo can be free of the senile old coot, and Japan will be happy to hand the islands over to the Chinese as long as they promise to keep him there with a never-ending supply of Comfort Goats. Think of it as Napoleon and St Helena (or "The Senility of the Lambs?" think about it - ed.)

Win win, baby.

Carry on.


Armchair Asia said...

My God, what is this world coming to. How can it be no one has commented on this post? It is bloody brilliant.

But where is the link to the video?

I also think that since the Chinese are so hot to shoot at something Japanese, maybe they should aim for Takashima... another problem solved.

Our Man in Abiko said...

I find the world's knottiest problems can be unravelled with reasonable applications of lateral thought and/or Chile wine.

Btw, some other senile old coot was looking for an empty chair for some country club fundraiser. You don't lend him your armchair did you?