Hey, what do we have here?
Yep, you got it kids, it's a Newz-Paper of course, and not just any old one, but Our Man's very own Tempus Jopanicus. (Our Man knows this because of the classic 19th Century layout of eight columns with big(ish) headlines at the top and little heads at the bottom (this is so the reader knows the worthiest but dullest stories are above the fold where only adults can reach, and the stuff that's worth reading is at the bottom of the page).
Here's what Our Man learnt from not reading today's paper:
1. Nobody knows how long Europe will be shut, but everyone keeps talking about it all being over in a few days (like The Great War, wot? - ed.). Our Man doesn't know much about volcanoes, but neither does anyone else, otherwise they would have told someone at Heathrow a few weeks ago, right? If no-one could predict what was going to happen, how come we believe the experts now when they tell us that it'll probably all be over in a few days? Volcanoes don't follow flight itineraries.
2. Looky there at the bottom of the page. Yes, there is a Liberal Democratic Party that is doing well in the polls lead by a Blairite pro-European who is about as un-British as they come. Sure, the third home-of-the-protest-vote party hasn't won a British election in almost 100 years, but then who would have bet on the skies being full of magic dust with the power to close a continent. Our Man was busy doing what he does best (sitting on your arse drinking coffee - ed.?) scoffing at Nick Clegg's chances, when Our Woman reminded him that everyone thought the DPJ could never break the LDP here in lil ol Japan. But they did.
3. Oh, and the point of this post. What's that garish advert at the bottom of the page. Let's zoom in shall we?
Oh, it's just some loon come to tell us about crop circles and UFOs and such. Our Man has long known not to trust folk in polo-necks, but given the track record for odd occurrences recently, maybe the wisest course is to admit all bets are off.
Hope Mr Creme paid a lot for the ad. Wouldn't want to sully your integrity for free, would you Japan Times?