If you've never been to (insert town name here), then you can't imagine what you're missing! (Insert town name here) is a crazy mix of old and new, young and old and little and large, but most of all (insert town name here) could do with your cash. So come, spend some money at our thriving center of excellence that's in the middle of everything, yet also, more critically, in the middle of nowhere!
But don't take Our Man's word for it, see for yourself in this handy (insert town name here) videologue!!: