Japan US relations, aka Okada-Gates transcript - the director's cut
This just in. An Agent Provocateur raided the diplomatic pouches left outside Abiko Central Station and found this (bona fide) transcript. Our Man took the liberty of interpreting it (in red) for folk not nuanced in diplo-speak like-wot-Our-Man-talks:
The following is the gist of the meeting between Foreign Minister Katsuya Okada and U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert Gates at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs on Oct. 20.
Okada: The Hatoyama administration fully understands the importance of the Japan-U.S. alliance. You got no money, you got no money, fatso.
Gates: The Japan-U.S. alliance is the cornerstone of U.S. security policy in Asia. Yeah? Next time that Nork nut fires off a few nukes, talk to someone who cares, ass-wipe.
U.S. Forces Japan (USFJ) realignment
Gates: The current plan for the relocation of the USFJ's Futenma Air Station is the result of a long process of deliberations between Japan and the U.S. and is the only feasible plan. We hope for a decision in line with the Japan-U.S. agreement as soon as possible. You gonna pay for Uncle Sam's pizza or what, pencil dick.
Okada: We are currently examining the process that led to the current plan. We are aware of the Japan-U.S. agreement. On the other hand, the political situation in Japan has changed. We ask for your understanding of the difficult political situation.
No. Suck my dick, Master Sergeant.
Gates: It is for Japan to decide what form of aid it will provide to Afghanistan and Pakistan. Shit or get off the pot, fish breath.
Okada: We are drawing up aid plans that will take full advantage Japan's fortes but we have not yet reached the stage of submitting bills on logistics support to the extraordinary Diet session. Yeah, who's gonna pay for your guns now, cowboy? The China boys? Bend over now Brokeback Mountain boy!
Okada: The investigation into the secret nuclear agreement is Japan's internal affair. The government is studying the question of no-first-use of nuclear weapons. You been dickin' with the wrong Asian Tiger, whitey.
Gates: The two countries share the common goal of achieving a nuclear-free world, but the flexibility of deterrence is also necessary. Come here and say that and I'll smack you upside the head, checkout boy.
(A meeting by Okada, Gates, and two other officials was held after this, but the exchanges have not been made public.)