Hey, there was Our Man minding his own business, when look what dropped into his letterbox yesterday - a kind invitation from Uri Geller to turn Our Man's sorry life around. Wasn't Geller exposed years ago as a complete fraud? No matter, apparently all Our Man has to do is send ¥12,980 (about 100 quid) to Spoonbender-san's Swiss bank account and he will send Our Man his very own magic bracelet (comes in two sizes), then Our Man can dangle it out the window on the 11th of July at 11 minutes past 11am (presumably Abiko standard time, not at 11.11 GMT or whatever time the banks are open in Switzerland), and Lo, Our Man will receive the power of Uri Geller.
Not sure how it works? Here's a handy free poster included to show how it's done (about the size of an average Earth child):
Still not convinced? Well, don't take Our Man's word for it, here're some testimonials from other satisfied morons, er, including Uri's dog:
Thank you! Uri Geller. Sadly, Our Woman has already spent Aso's ¥12,000 so you'll have to find some other sucker to buy your wares.
Now rot in hell, you skinny spoonbending scam artist.